the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
