I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
