so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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