It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
whose parrot is this?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
