I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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