My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
