Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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