I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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