It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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