I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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