so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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