He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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