hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
