marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
