It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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