If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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