Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize