Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
