make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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