Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
