So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
