hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
