Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
