chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
