Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sober January is a disaster.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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