then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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