I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
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If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
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I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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