he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
