why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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