dude i'm inner monologue high
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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