Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
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One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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