allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
