Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
