i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
