Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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