he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
