are you so shy because you have an std?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
