the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
