I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
