I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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