I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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