I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
