when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
