you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
