Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
