is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
