I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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