If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
