I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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