I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
