My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
