Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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