i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
