well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
