Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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