It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
