omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
