Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do vagina's smell?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
