he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
