Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
