I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
