i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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