he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
