I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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