seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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