a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
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Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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