just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
