Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize