thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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