Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You're like the curious george of whores
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
