he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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