Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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