I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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