Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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