I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
