It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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