You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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