god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
