that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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